Not Without Challenges

Book summary

"Not Without Challenges" is a collection of personal and fictional stories and poems exploring dreams, decisions, and awkward situations. This engaging anthology draws from real-life experiences and imaginative tales, inviting readers to ponder which is which.

Excerpt from Not Without Challenges

Promised Possibilities

Out of the corner of my eye

I search the crowd

looking for any familiar face.

Hoping no one will see us

together.

Risks,

Taken by you,

taken by me.

Both hate knowing

someone else waits

for our return.

You hold back touching me

for now.

Restraining from my warm eyes

that hold desire and hunger

I can’t contain much longer.

When we’re alone later

and the danger has faded,

the long-awaited promises and secrets

will be far worth it.

Just like the risks

we take

together.

Commandments Seven And Ten Revised

Or…Oh, Brother, How Art Thou?

The experts say paybacks can be hell. I’ve also heard say that big chances are the only ones worth taking.

In addition, there’s a right time for everything.

Let me tell you all the statements are true to a certain degree.

I’m living proof.

***

My in-laws, husband and I live on a farm with separate residences. My mother and father-in-law take up the main house, brother-in-law Tim in a smaller house near the horse and cattle barns. My husband Garst and I reside about a fourth of a mile down the road.

One bright summer day, Tim and I were in the horse barn alone, chatting about the upcoming county fair. He innocently flirted with me, and I didn’t put too much stock in his advances. There was nothing strange about them because, on occasion, he toyed with me.

I didn’t ever remember consciously teasing him but maybe he just read my signals wrong as, without warning, he took me by surprise. His advances became a little less playful and I was blindsided. At first, his approaches were deliberate, and I properly fought them despite feeling like an experiment ready for alterations. After that point, I didn’t stand a chance against his intimate caresses.

The fact my brother-in-law knew my husband and I had ongoing problems definitely helped matters. Not that it was common knowledge, but haphazard signs played host to suspicions. Garst never showed any affection toward me outside the bedroom, and he disrespected me on a few occasions with groping gestures and name-calling. Some, in front of his family and friends.

In all honesty, there were times in my marriage when I questioned why I took those vows in the first place.

From the standpoint of a sexually frustrated wife, Tim was a perfect indiscretion. Before long, he served as a plan I never made, a design I couldn’t help be part of.

Simply put, my agenda didn’t include an affair. And because it’s been known I can keep secrets, who would have thought this major one would involve me?

One trait I love in a man is shyness and Tim’s had an air to it. His demeanor far outweighed the temperament of my husband. As far as my spouse goes, well, Garst never put me on a pedestal, never complimented me, hardly ever wished me well.

Yet Tim had no trouble doing so. At the risk of sounding harsh, no one compared with my husband’s security, another trait I required.

Strangely, neither man could measure up to the others’ strong points.

Essentially, Tim’s flirting or the fact his attractiveness settled in his arsenal wasn’t the cause of my wandering. There was just something about the way he made himself easily available.

And I wasn’t objecting or complaining.

In fact, I gave myself, and Tim, permission to proceed with the relationship, putting aside all thoughts of justification.

I couldn’t go on record for tumbling into a full-fledged affair, but by definition, that’s where I found myself. Awkward as it was.

On grounds where I should never step foot on.

We met in private places - the hayloft, his workshop, a bar twenty miles away. Eager for his attention each and every time, I loved the secrecy and getting away with the game. Plus…he made sex downright fun.

My fear of entrapment presented less frequently.

I walked a thin line between morality and ecstasy, not denying adultery was like shoplifting only for the thrill of it. And, I had been known to not always do the right thing at the right time, telling myself repeatedly this sort of thing only brings about problems.

Yet my senses took a vacation.

A long overdue one.

Tim’s lips, muscles, and penis burned into me as if I carried a can of gas through a raging fire. Always concentrating on my needs, his fingers and tongue manipulated parts of my body I didn’t know could stand so much pleasure.

When together, time stalled. He never let me down. Being with him was like canoeing down a lazy river, something close to perfect karma. Physically, the affair was ideal, so right. Ecstasy escorted my feelings and accountability ran out of steam.

You don’t need a camera to get my picture, to understand my meaning.

Worst of all, my emotions skirted an obstacle course with no easy solution in sight. Constantly, I asked myself how our relationship could be a sin when it felt so good.

However, I continued clearing away any notion of my conscience betraying me.

On the surface, the sex with Tim was convenient, precision of the first order and should qualify for photogenic. Fit for an erotic layout in an adult magazine.

Developing a sensual appetite for him, I got hungrier and hungrier every day. He became the key to my sexual lock, mediating in my orgasms which had been closed for repair with Garst.

Where Tim received his education flabbergasted me, but in a strange way, I was grateful to the person who had taught him. By now, the only way I felt any shame was I made decisions without any reasons.

Neglected guilt missed from the equation of apprehension and common sense. Without a doubt, my ego took root and reason didn’t prevail. Keeping the information about the affair to myself, I told no one…friend or relative.

Sooner or later my heart told me the situation couldn’t stay private for long. As it was, we’d had several narrow escapes. Reckless behavior begets reckless behavior. Just by human nature, inevitably, our discovery lingered.

Always mindful of the consequences, things had carried too far, no matter how discreet we thought we were. Belaboring the situation was pointless. Tim and I must end our affair. I had to stop the diversion or give up my marriage. Nightmares haunted me. And hurting anyone, especially my husband, hadn’t been my objective.

Four months after our relationship began, Tim and I tearfully said goodbye. To this day, it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever faced.

Several months later, Tim moved away from the farm, without a note of farewell to me. His rationale was unclear to others, but I knew the reason.

We’d unquestionably fallen in love. Throughout our time together, each of us always stopped short of saying “I love you,” but the implication superseded.

From time to time, I see Tim at family gatherings. The attraction is still very evident and the glint in each of our eyes needs extracted. With our history, sometimes it takes a concerted effort keeping away from my brother-in-law.

It’s easy for me to say let bygones be bygones. However, questions remain. Could I let the memories stay in the past? Did I want to?

These days my marriage is back on track, headed in the right direction. Despite my hidden feelings, my intention is authentic. I sincerely hope nothing or no one comes between us ever again.

True, I made a detour, and my heart went out to play. But what a jump-start for my marriage! Tim ironically resurrected my marriage to a sexually satisfactory level I could never have imagined, and no regrets linger. To this day, Garst has never discovered the affair, only enjoys the changed bedroom behavior.

Above all, our intimacy ranks better than ever.

Plus Garst pioneered a new respect for me, courtesy of Tim.

Had I used bad judgment in the affair with my brother-in-law? Or was it merely a crush? Even though I’ll let you be the judge, I believe you already know the answer.

The experts claim once a cheater, always a cheater. Who knows? For me, I can’t vouch for the future.

I’d like to think temptation is something we all encounter one time or another. Or that impulse should be trusted. Am I right?

The professionals also say there’s a right time for everything.

In my case, Tim and I’s time came and went.

For everyone involved, he and I must leave it that way.